Star Wars Hammers the Pittsburgh Comicon


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Ahem, la, la, la, la...
Two comic book dudes go ‘round the outside, ‘round the outside, ‘round the outside Two comic book dudes go ‘round the outside, ‘round the outside, ‘round the outside

Prologue- “Sing us a song, you’re the Bat-man, sing us a song tonight...”

Where have all the troopers gone
To Indianapolis, every one.
They left their comics within their homes
Took up their sabers,  masks and drones.

As I traveled to the Pittsburgh con
Little did I know, the goings on.
The weekend belong to Lucas and friends
For the rest of us, it was a bitter end...

Act 1 - What a day for a daydream...

Hello, hello, and welcome to the con
We end up here each year as there’s much going on
You’re free to talk to artists and commission a  piece
And writers will sign all your books, but please don’t bring a case.

At 10am on Friday, the doors were opened wide
The 5 guys with their backpacks  made their way inside.
I smiled and laughed with each of them, hoping I would make a sale, But something else had caught their eye, my presence was too stale The Hooter’s girls were in their sites, they ran to them with glee The girlies gave them stickers and stuff, and all of it was free.

I sat down at my booth,
a bright and friendly place
I looked out at my spread
a frown upon my face.

I told myself it’s Friday
and people are at work
There was no need to worry
Stop staring at my chest, you jerk!

The halls were quiet, it was worst than I feared
and artists’ alley had disappeared.
I asked around, “where’s all the peeps”?
And then the rumors started to seep.

The Lucas empire, also had a con
The same weekend, so that’s what was wrong!
My body went numb, my tongue had froze
I noticed the lack of Star Wars clothes

No Troopers, no jedi’s
No red guards, no Vadar
No skimpy dressed slave girls
No short Princess Leia’s

The day came up to 5 o’clock
My butt felt like a giant rock
I stood right up, the need to stretch,
OH wait!  It’s time for the QUICK SKETCH!

(clap your hands ans stomp your feet!)

Round and round and round we do
For the CBLDF, a drawing we will go!
Its time to cheer, it’s time to be rude
It’s time to draw something really lewd!
She drew Boo-peep as a whore
He drew Batman wanting more
Quick sketch tickets sold out fast.
And the fund made 1100.00 cash

Finally the day ended
we were shooed out by guards
But the adventure was not over
It was time for some cards!

Act 2 - “Some people call me the Space Ghost, some call me the host of some talk show...”

Now that the con is closed
It’s time for more charity
This time it’s a poker game
For me, a real rarity!

100 bucks will get you in
And prizes you can win
But lots of cash goes to those who need
SO I said “YEAH!  I’m in!”

I’ve never played for money
I’ve always played for free
and when they said “the little blond”
I thought they were referring to me!

We started with over 120 guys
As the night went on, there were laughs and cries
I held my own, with a little help
My table mates thought I was a little whelp

I knew not the terms
but I knew how to play
I kicked some real ass
By the end of the day

My last little hand,
was a straight, queen high
The clock just struck midnight
I was about to die

Just the two of us there,
I went ALL IN
He had a KING high
for me it was . . . Fin

SO out of the tourny I went
Not bad for a beginner
I ended up being 18th
(and I gave number 17 the finger! he he he)

SO back to my hotel
I fell asleep at 1:00
Still thinking about those cards
and the 3100 dollars I could have won.....snorrrrr

Act 3- How did Elton put it?  “Saturday, Saturday, Saturday....

Well, you can tell by the way I type this out
I’m a comic chick and I like them a lot
Happy days our here again
It’s Saturday, so don’t be profane

And it’s right, it’s OK
you shouldn’t come another day
We can give my pencil a whirl
I can draw you a Super-girl

Whether you’re an artist or a writer or a convict
We’re at the Pittsburgh con, Pittsburgh con
You could be a oldie or a youngie or a hermie
at the Pittsburgh con, Pittsburgh con
Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Pittsburgh con, Pittsburgh con
Ah, ah, ah, ah, Pittsburgh Con!

(End dance scene)

Oh boy, I’ve seen it all
Doc Oc just passed by table
I took a pic because he’s neat
“Hey, next time, dress as Cable!”

The day has gone by real slow
The customers did not come
The place was kinda full
But not enough for lots of fun

I did another Quick sketch panel
more money we did raise
My heart just wasn’t in it through
I was in a sad little daze

Did I come all this way
to have no one else show?
Did I waste my whole weekend
I paced back and fro.

I love this show, Rene and Mike
It’s just so indy friendly
But it’s so much work to come this far
When my work’s not really trendy

My book’s for those who love sci-fi
and humor with a twist
but all the sci-fi guys and gals
Were with Lucas.. The nit-whit!

SO here I was, without a crowd
I almost screamed “ARGHHH” out loud
And then outside came the storm clouds
It was then that I gave in, to the elements, I bowed

I could have stayed home
there’s a con in Toronto
where my hubby did go
I should get home, PRONTO!

As Saturday closed
I raced to my car
grabbed all of my stuff
And traveled a far

Epilogue- “Don’t cry for me Ultra Magnus”

At midnight that night
I finally arrived
To my home sweet home
Out of sorrow, I cried
“Why? For two years,
has the Pittsburgh con failed
to attract a great crowd
why have they all bailed?”

My words came un answered
as I lay down to bed
I felt quite defeated
and could not shake the dread
Could it be it’s the end
of my favorite con?
I hope that it’s not
I’d be happy to be wrong.

The only answer I have
An, obvious one, of course
Never do a show the same time
As a show that has the Force.


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