When life gets in the way


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I’d like to begin by saying that it was fully my intention to write a follow up article to my March 23rd column "How can I keep from Singing?". I had most of the column stuck in my head, it was rather witty and pretty funny as well.

But at the moment, I’m so damn tired that my ability to be clever and funny is at a critical low.

You see, I spent Sunday evening until Monday at 6:30 in the morning stuck in my car on highway I-90.

Those of you who live in the Northeast United States know exactly what I’m talking about.

I spent the weekend in Cleveland at one of my favorite horror conventions "Cinema Wasteland".

After the weekend came to a close, my husband and I left Cleveland at 5:50 pm and headed towards Erie PA. That drive usually takes and hour and a half. It took us almost 4 hours to get that far and when we finally arrived we were forced off the road by the highway patrol. Apparently, the I-90 was closed from Erie to the New York state line, a distance of over 20 miles. So, to make use of our forced break, my husband and I went to the Friday’s restaurant and ate nachos and chicken wings. Mmmm, we don’t have Friday’s in Canada so I love going there when I visit the States. At 11:30 at night, we headed back on the highway as it had just been opened again and we could finally get on our way towards Niagara Falls, and back to our beloved Canada. We traveled less than a mile when the traffic came to a halt. Apparently, the highway was closed again, and not just a small portion. They closed the whole I-90 right to the New York line again. Ugh. So from 11:30 Sunday night until 6:30 Monday morning, we couldn’t move. We were stuck without washrooms, water, food, and any comfortable sleeping position the whole night. We didn’t get home until 10:00 am. A 5 hour drive ended up being a 16 hour night of hell!

It’s Monday night now, I’m really feeling crappy so I hope this is all making sense. Please excuse any errors as I might not even remember writing this when it’s published.

So anyway, instead of talking about the transition of comics into live musical stage productions and how they could be really fantastic, and not a threat to your manly manliness, I’m going to briefly talk about Horror conventions and the importance of taking a lot of vitamin C.

If you think you’re pretty resilient for surviving a comic convention, you haven’t tested yourself until you’ve spent an entire weekend at a horror con. We’re talking the biggest, baddest and friendliest of fans. Horror people love their horror, and they’re not afraid to show it. Hell, last year, a guy drove around town in his black hearse, dressed up as the Grim Reaper. His buddy, came as a white Grim Reaper, also driving a hearse, a white one. Sounds weird, but the make-up was fantastic and they looked amazing. While comic conventions are generally high energy, horror cons are laid back. There’s no alcohol allowed in the dealers rooms at comic shows. At horror cons, however, the dealers AND the fans are generally ripped by the end of Saturday, if not by lunch! Heh... you think I’m kidding don’t you? I spoke to the manager of the hotel, and he told me that this weekend broke all sales records for alcohol consumption. The previous sales record was held by LAST YEAR’S Cinema Wasteland!!

To give you a batter idea of what you missed, here’s some of the things you’ll find at a horror show that you won’t find anywhere else.

T-shirts that will offend anyone. Again, you have no idea. I’ve seen some pretty raunchy t-shirts at comic shows, but these horror shirts are a whole new level of weirdness. There’s your usual Universal Monster stuff like Frankenstein, Dracula or the Mummy. Then you have t-shirts for specific horror icons like Bela Lugosi, Boris Karloff or Vincent Price. THEN we get to the raunchy stuff. Just imagine the most disgusting bloody horror movie you’ve ever seen. Now put that image on a black t-shirt and you have yourself a piece of clothing that most people would not wear in public. These shirts are just vividly icky! I’m not saying I don’t like them, I think they’re really funky actually, but most people would probably make the sign of the cross if they saw any of these images.

What can be more disgusting than a horror t-shirt? How about a horror DOLL? Oh my. I WISH they had toys like this when I was a kid. Living Dead Dolls, Teddy Scares, Hell’s Orphanage. These not-so-cute creations are wonderfully designed. Even if you’re not into the horror scene, you HAVE to marvel at how wonderfully creative these morbid kiddy toys are. If you prefer the action figure market, you can purchase action figures of every evil twisted creature you’ve ever had nightmares about.

And for those who are on the more sophisticated side and prefer the cinema over collectibles, how about the best selection of the worst movies ever made? Well, according to the REST of the world, they’re the worst. I was one of those kids that grew up watching b-movies. Every Sunday, the local station had a special at noon called "Not So Great Movies" and every Sunday, I’d watch. I never thought they were terrible, they were just fun. Most of these movies make Roger Corman look like Martin Scorsese, and you can find them in abundance at these shows. The more obscure the movie is, the more people will want it. Heck, I saw three different people purchase a movie called "Slithis" Have you ever heard of it? I didn’t think so. (Oh, and if you have, then YOU should be attending these cons.)

OK, enough about Horror conventions. I think you probably get the idea. Now onto the vitamin C section of my column. You see, when you go to conventions, there’s a chance you’ll come in contact with many who don’t have the same hygiene standards as you have. That doesn’t mean they’ll smell of anything like that, they just might not wash their hands after using the facilities, etc etc. Well, I’ve learned that it’s really important to stock up on Vitamin C and other vitamins that help boost your immune system when out with fellow con goers. I wish I thought of that before the show as I am so damn sick right now, I don’t think I’ll even remember typing this out. When I see this online, I’ll wonder who the nice person was that filled in for me.

So, if you’re reading this Joanne, YES, you did this, now go back to bed!


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