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All I Want for Christmas is an Ultimate Nullifier

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The holiday season is upon us, a time for family, good cheer, and the exchange of gifts. This year, Broken Frontier takes a look at what some of our favorite heroes and villains are asking Santa for…

Green Lantern (Hal Jordan)
Yeager: A Biography.”

Supergirl

“A longer skirt (What? It’s chilly up here).”

Two-Face
The Complete Perry Mason Series. No, don’t listen to him! We want The Public Enemy with James Cagney! Shut up, you! All right, whaddaya say we flip for it?”

Blade
Twilight on DVD. I could use a good laugh.”

Buffy Summers
“What Blade said. But also because (and you will speak of this to no one!) that Edward fella is swoon-y.”

The Hulk
“Hulk know what Hulk NOT want for Christmas. No more purple pants! Hulk has more purple pants than Hulk know what to do with! Seriously, Hulk is not kidding!”

Agent Orange
“A Green Lantern ring and a Red Lantern ring and a Blue Lantern ring and an Indigo ring and a Sinestro ring and a Star Sapphire ring and a Nintendo Wii and a BluRay player and an iPod and an iPhone and a motorcycle and...[Excerpted for space]

The Human Torch
“For my family to stop roasting chestnuts over my head. Ha ha, very funny, guys.”

Iron Man
“I’m looking forward to the eggnog. Non-alcoholic, of course. Let’s not go down that road again. Man, there was this one year we had some rum-filled nog at Avengers Mansion and…”

Mr. Terrific
The Concise Encyclopedia of Supersymmetry. I need some light reading.”

Giganta
“A lawnmower and a personal assistant (A big gal’s gotta shave her legs somehow, right?).”

Spider-Man
“Hmm. I know there was something I wanted. I feel like I lost something important recently, but I can’t remember what. I think it was really beautiful and special, and something about it was red. I felt like I’d hit the jackpot. But man, I’m having a devil of a time remembering what it was. Total blank!”

Cassandra Cain
“Direction for my life. I’m good, I’m evil, I’m Batgirl, I’m not, I’m adopted, I’m orphaned—I can barely keep up!”

Iron Man (continued)
“…so I’m drunk off the nog and hitting on Black Widow, Thor is hanging from the chandelier, Jarvis is passed out on the couch, She-Hulk’s puking in the other room, and Quicksilver decides to bring out the karaoke machine. Well, after that…”

Abe Sapien

“A Marcel Proust novel and a carton of rotten eggs. That would be delightful!”

Dr. Doom
“Doom realizes that he is likely on your pedantic ‘naughty list.’ But Doom cares not for such bourgeois notions of morality! What Doom wants this Yuletide season is complete and absolute control of the world! All must swear fealty to the sovereign of Latveria! This is Doom’s list of demands. Ignore them at your peril.”

Bizarro
“Goodbye, Santa!

Me have been very bad this year! Me would not like new teddy bear. If you bring it, this am worst present ever! Hello and Sad Christmas!

Hate,
Bizarro”

Galactus
“Saturn. It looks delicious (Not Jupiter though. It’d probably give me gas).”

The Demon
“On the hour and day of Yule, Etrigan shall not play the fool. Good spirits to one born of Hell have never been an easy sell. Peace and joy he can’t abide, but one desire he cannot hide. There is one hellish gift that fits…Ozzy Osbourne’s Greatest Hits!”

Warlock
“Self does not understand Earthling custom of ‘Christmas.’ Query: What is purpose of hanging woolen footwear over hearth-fire, or of decorating arboreal structure within domicile?”

Rorschach
“Rorschach’s Journal, December 25: Snow crunches under boots. The city reeks of eggnog and sin. Message of holiday lost amid secularism and greed. Salvation Army Santa rings bell on corner. Hollow echoes met with vacant indifference. Asked for new trenchcoat for Christmas. Probably won’t get it. Hrm.”

Superman
“World peace. I hope the people of this troubled little planet can have joy and love in their lives. They don’t know how rare and precious they all are…Okay, maybe some new socks too.”

# # #

The BF Staff wishes you and yours a happy holiday season! May you get what you wish for as well. Peace, love, and new socks unto you all!

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Comments

  • Kris Bather

    Kris Bather Dec 24, 2009 at 12:18am

    Classic! Great job Eric!

  • Richard Boom

    Richard Boom Dec 24, 2009 at 2:16am

    HAHAHHAA....rules!!

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